Have you ever felt like God has asked you to do something but it feels really overwhelming and scary? Well that’s me right now. Truth be told, I feel inadequate, under skilled, under prepared, and totally out of my depth!
But here I go anyway…
It’s been so long since I wrote last here on this blog. A lot has happened over the past twelve or so months and blogging just didn’t seem like where my focus was meant to be.
To be honest, I have been wondering if I will ever write here again or if that ship had sailed long ago.
Yet I held onto everything all this time ‘just in case’.
Recently, I have been seeking God and asking him to reveal to me how he wants me to spend my time right now. Cutting a long story short, it feels like it’s time to dust off the cobwebs and get back into blogging!
Way back in February 2015 I first wrote about how God was calling me to start writing a blog. Here I sit, four years later, about to embark on this again with a fresh vision and drive for what God might use this space for.
He isn’t finished here yet. So here I am.
I don’t know what God’s plan is, or why he would choose to use this random, broken, tired mother, but I don’t want to miss out on finding out. If there are more lives to be touched by stories I can share about this crazy life journey I am on, then you can count me in!
The truth is though, I am petrified!
I am petrified of failing.
I am petrified of disappointing.
I am petrified of saying the wrong thing.
I am petrified of wasting my time… and the list goes on.
But here’s the thing.
I also don’t want to let fear or lack of confidence hold me back from the good things God might have in store. Dealing with negative self-talk is a constant battle for me (as it possibly is for you too). Yet it says in the bible many times that we don’t need to be afraid.
“For I hold you by your right hand,
– I the Lord your God
And I say to you, Don’t be afraid.
I am here to help you”
( Isaiah 41:13 )
So, I am choosing to push the fear away and step out anyway, just like Peter did in the Bible. He decided to ignore all logic and stepped out of that little fishing boat anyway. He literally walked on the water through the storm to follow Jesus and answer his call (Matt 14:22-33). I am pretty sure he was petrified too.
As I have been talking to people recently, I have come to realise that every christian, at some point in their life, is invited to step out. Jesus asks each of us to walk in a way that seems impossible and feels ridiculous at the time. It requires a choice, and not everyone chooses it. Many end up ignoring or disobeying this invitation and prefer to stay in the boat or back on the shore where it feels safe and sensible.
When we do embrace those scary moments and step out, this is where I believe we can learn how faithful he truly is. I believe this is also where the greatest opportunities are to see God do amazing things in and through us.
Early last year, God gave me a picture that I would like to share with you. It was a small beach with crystal clear, flat water ahead of me as far as the eye could see. This ocean represented God’s promises and peace. As I pictured myself standing on the beach I saw that there was a huge cliff behind me surrounding the beach. It represented my past and all the hurt and lies I have believed about myself over the years.
The picture was so vivid I decided to do a Google search and I found that the beach actually existed! It’s called Navagio Beach and it’s in Greece. On that beach is a rusty old ship wreck. I was amazed.
Navagio Beach, Greece
One day, God willing, I hope to actually go sit on this beach in real life! (What a special moment that would be).
Lately I have felt like I have been hiding under that shipwreck down on that beach. All my past is behind me, and, though it can no longer touch me, it feels intimidating and overpowering. Almost like it is taunting me.
I hide in the shipwreck. It’s cool and peaceful and relaxing there. I have found rest and healing sitting on that beach with God over the past year or so. I’ve been able to set some better boundaries in various areas of my life and he has been simply amazing with the ways he has provided for us as a family (which I hope to write more about down the track as it’s another great story!).
It’s time to stand up and look away from those towering cliffs and look out to the openness and magnificent beauty of all God has in-store.
I no longer want to let the old lies taunt me. I want to learn to fix my eyes on Him. The one who made me. And trust in His words and who He says I am.
I am super excited about what God is going to do through this blog and there is already heaps of new changes in the pipeline that you’ll see soon (My husband has been working very hard behind the scenes).
I invite you now to picture yourself sitting with God on that beach. Are you hiding in the shipwreck like I have been? Perhaps you are already out walking on the water? Or do you feel stuck high in the cliffs, wondering how on earth you can get down to the beach?
What is God calling you to trust Him about at the moment?
What promises has he given you that you can hold on to?
What lies and past hurts are holding you back?
Why not take a moment to talk to God and tell him all your fears? Invite Him to show you His hopes and dreams for your life.
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Thanks so much for joining me in the journey and walking with me a while.
I pray God’s blessings on your life and the next steps he is calling you to take.
With Love, your sister in Christ, Clare