I feel like I failed you today

These words.

 

I have said them and thought them so many times this week I have lost count! Always striving but then apologising. Having not reached the mark I had set for myself. But then…… three simple words that I really needed to hear arrived on my phone screen ….. and perhaps you need to hear these words today too.

 

"I feel like a failed you today"

 

“I feel like I failed you today.”

… I whispered it to my children as I tucked them into bed, feeling like I hadn’t loved them like I should have.

 

“I feel like I failed you today.”

I thought as I remembered a friend who might have been in need but I didn’t help.

 

“I feel like I failed you today.”

I told my body as I missed another day of exercise …. And binged on chocolate instead!

 

“I feel like I failed you today.”

I prayed to God when I realised I had missed my moment in the morning to connect with him before the children woke.

 

“I feel like I failed you today.”

I texted my husband…. I had declined a day’s work because I didn’t quite feel up to it.

 

I felt bad, I was needing assurance. Am I ok?

 

"It's always ok." text bubble from a phone text message

 

The words arrived on my phone.

 

Those words.

 

They touched me in a way much deeper than was expected.

 

I don’t think I am unlike many women.

Mothers, wives, friends, sisters, daughters.

 

We long to feel accepted and loved. We want to know that we are doing ok, that someone sees us, we are accepted, we are understood, we are good and we have done enough.

 

We worry about what others think of us. We try to be this wonderful person. To everyone. All the time….. But it is impossible (we know that). And inevitably we fail in one way or another.

 

And when those times come when things finally seem to be going our way and someone, somewhere gives us the praise or recognition we THINK we deserve….. It STILL doesn’t satisfy.

 

We still feel empty and inadequate, keenly aware of all the things we didn’t do right.

 

This was me this week.

 

But through these words sent to me from my husband, “It’s ALWAYS ok”. Though they might seem simple. God whispered to me a deeper truth. He reminded me that he loves me despite my failures. He loves me despite what I did or didn’t achieve today. He sees my heart. He knows that I am trying. He loves me no matter how well I achieve or fail. I am already accepted. It doesn’t matter what I have or haven’t done.

 

“People judge by outward appearance,
but the LORD looks at the heart.”
(1 Samuel 16:7)

 

 

It is such a hard concept for me to get my head around.

 

I don’t need to earn God’s love. I already have it! It has always been mine to have. When I can get my head around this (which is a daily battle for me at the moment it seems), it is then that I can finally rest. I can be confident in who I am, that I am enough, I am ok, I am loved, and I am accepted…. just as I am.

 

I can be free to be who I am.     No more.       No less.

 

This doesn’t mean I stop doing good or trying to be a better mum or wife or friend. I won’t stop trying to put aside my time with God or taking care of my body. These are all good things. Important things.

 

The point is, God sees my heart. He sees that I love Him and that I do want to follow in his path. He knows that I know his way is best. (It’s just taking me a while to put it all into practice!) He forgives me. Every time.

 

It is Easter in just a few weeks. What a timely reminder.

 

God’s love is unconditional. His forgiveness is always available. He is with me. He sees me. He gets me. He understands me. He is my friend who will always believe in me and longs for the best for me. He is my helper and my guide.

 

He is my saviour.

 

I thought this song clip would be a nice way to finish.

 

 

Do you feel like you failed this week like I did?
 
What will your response be to God this Easter?

 

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