Today I wish to write to the wife out there who is struggling in her marriage. The woman who feels stuck, trapped and hopeless and wondering if the time has come to call it quits and cut her losses and leave. You feel like you have tried everything you can think of. You are emotionally drained and are no longer even sure if you ever were truly in love.
Today I want to say to the struggling, emotionally drained wife that
there is hope.
There is hope for reconciliation
There is hope of forgiveness
There is hope for healing
There is hope of being able to trust again
And most importantly
there is hope to find love again,
…. all with the man you are married to today
How do I know?
I know that there is hope because I have been there, I have weathered this bumpy ride and made it through.
I am celebrating 11 years of marriage today! I feel quite proud of the fact that today I am standing hand in hand with tech man caring for two wonderful children and enjoying a wonderful life full of joy and love.
…..We almost didn’t make it.
This year has truly been the happiest year of my marriage yet but there was a time that I wouldn’t have believed this was possible. Today I stand as a living testimony that IT IS POSSIBLE!
So much healing and restoration has taken place in our marriage it is ridiculous. Love has returned to our home again.
In my marriage these 11 years we have had to face many challenging issues head on. Some of these have included addiction, financial crisis, infertility and depression. While trying to address these massive challenges, a whole lot of deeper issues related from childhood and past hurts arose for both of us too. We struggled with self-esteem and communication, trust and commitment….and more. Add to all this the fact that my husband has a low level of Asperger Syndrome that wasn’t realised until recent years…. The mountain of hurdles to overcome seemed insurmountable to both of us at one point.
I could have separated and divorced. Some people probably thought I should have, many would have, but I didn’t and today I am so glad to have a loving husband still beside me being a great dad to our children.
One of the main reasons I have started to write this blog is to provide a platform where I can gradually gather my thoughts, reflections and learnings from the past few years. That someone out there might be able to benefit from my own personal successes and failures. So if you would like to hear more about my journey PLEASE make sure you subscribe by filling in your email below. Also, please do share this blog if you know someone who might like to read it. There are plenty of people out there unhappy in their marriage.
There are many things I would like to eventually write about, today is just an introduction I guess of things to come.
I would like to just share for a moment with the struggling wife who is reading this blog a couple of resources that I found immensely helpful to me personally. They gave me hope, perspective and practical ideas that enabled me to move forward and take some next steps when I felt completely deflated, stuck, and alone. I was never really much of a reader but when I felt like my life was falling apart around me I was desperate for some sound advice and ideas and this is what I found helped me……
“Love and respect” by Dr Emerson Eggerichs
I have read many books about marriage and the differences between men and women. Many books I found not very helpful but this one really was. It is extremely practical and easy to read, a great place to start. The best book about marriage that I have read so far.
“Boundaries in Marriage” by Dr Henry Cloud and John Townsend
There are several “Boundaries” books now written and they truly are a great read to help you discern when to say ‘yes’ and when to say ‘no’ in many different situations (eg. in the workplace, with children, when dating etc). This book will address situations specific to marriages and how to set healthy boundaries. Yes, that’s right, boundaries are important even with your spouse!
“The Love Dare” by Alex and Stephen Kendrick
This is such an awesome book for anyone who wants to revive the romance and love in their marriage. It has daily readings and challenges for 40 days. You don’t need your spouses cooperation to participate, in fact, half the fun is not telling them what is going on and see how they respond as you diligently carry out the daily love dares each day…. giving small unexpected gifts, hugs and other random acts of love. I successfully completed all 40 days and by doing these challenges I genuinely found I had more love for my husband by the end of it. It was VERY worthwhile.
There is a DVD called “fireproof” that highlights the potential changes in your marriage if you chose to accept the ‘Love Dare’ challenge. Also, there are some great resources connected to this book that are a perfect gift for newly married couples.
“Walking with God on the road you never wanted to travel” by Mark Atteberry
This book is also super practical and useful for anyone who finds themselves in a difficult life situation. With 15 strategies in total, you won’t be left wondering what to do next. I personally loved strategy number 5 the best: “step over the dead and keep on walking”. I had to look past the marriages I saw around me that were falling apart and keep my eyes on my dream of what my marriage could one day be.
“I Quit ! : Stop pretending everything is fine and change your life” by Geri Scazzero with Peter Scazzero
I liked this book because it empowered me to start being real with myself and others of what was happening, how I was feeling and what I needed to do to make it through. It gave me confidence to be me and quit worrying about what others might think etc.
“Why I stayed: the choices I made in my darkest hour” by Gayle Hazzard
This book is a real life testimony of a woman who persisted in a very difficult marriage situation and made it through. It gave me much hope when I was in my darkest hour.
Finally, let me share with you my paraphrased version of the Bible verse that got me through the most difficult years in my marriage. I truly do love these verses and they have encouraged me and spurred me on when I felt lost.
Today I thank God for His faithfulness to me these 11 years and I pray for the struggling wives. I pray that today you will find a glimpse of hope, encouragement and inspiration to keep on dreaming and pursuing the marriage God longs for you to have.